Hello my name is Brandy, and I am a control freak. I want things done the right way, and by the right way I mean my way. I’m a tad bit OCD. My shirts get hung on white hangers, my pants on blue hangers, and if you try to help me and mess it up I will be kind to you but will secretly go back and correct every single thing that is wrong when you are not looking.
In past blogs I’ve mentioned my struggle with releasing control of my singleness, and lately God has certainly been testing my ability to let go. A couple weeks ago I met with my friend Kristin for tea. Right before speaking to her I had an uncomfortable conversation with the man who has my heart and I was telling her about it. After listening to me rant, Kristin said some very powerful words:
“Brandy, the Lord is shaping you to become a virtuous woman who will be an amazing wife. Stop interfering with His work.”
God used Kristin to speak right to my heart and convict me of something I needed to release. I went home that night and spent hours in prayer and confession asking God to take from me the thing I couldn’t release. My heart has gone through an emotional roller coaster over the last year and I have invested so much time, energy, and emotion into something and I haven’t been ready to let go. My controlling self wants to keep investing and pouring into it, but I’ve realized that I don’t have the proper tools to nurture the growth it needs. Only God does.
As I’ve prepared to leave for Korea, I met with a friend who spent some time teaching there. I haven’t seen Andy in over 8 years, but I’m so glad we made time to connect. Our long hiatus inevitably led us to give each other an update on our relationships (or lack thereof for me at least). I shared with Andy that my heart is stuck in Dallas. Physically, I may be leaving for Korea in a couple of weeks, but emotionally, my heart is not ready to go yet. As Andy and I were speaking, he reminded me that in the next 12 months, God is going to do wonderful and amazing things in my life. My walk with Him will be strengthened and my heart will be changed and transformed. When God is done writing this chapter of my life I will have so much more to offer the man I will marry because I will be a much better woman than the one I could be right now. I love thinking about how God is going to grow me over the next 12 months. I know He has a plan far greater than anything I can imagine. In everything we go through we are to praise the Lord and be thankful because it is all a part of His plan for our lives. So, in the midst of the hurt and heartache, I will continue to be thankful for where the Lord has me right now and where He is taking me next.
Ladies, heartache and heartbreak suck. BUT our God is a God of purpose. And that heartache you’re experiencing right now is purposeful. Trust Him.