Another Mother’s Day has come and gone.
Another year of my 30’s without the title of “mommy,” passes by as I sit here trying to come up with a word for what I am feeling.
Society tells me I should feel sad. Society tells me I should yearn for the day children will lift their tiny arms to me as they mumble, “hold me.”
The word to describe how I feel… well, I’m not quite sure –but sadness it is not. You see, unlike most females who grow up playing mommy with their dolls and crossing off and re-writing potential baby names, I don’t long for the day I will hold the title “mommy.” I’m not sure if this is a product of being single, but if I’m honest, I can’t help but wonder if something is wrong with me.
Why isn’t my biological clock ticking? Why don’t I yearn to bear children? Am I broken?
To all the women who find themselves asking these same questions, I want to share with you what I have learned.
Deadlines create desperation.
“So, if I wanna have my kid when I’m 35, I don’t have to get pregnant until I’m 34. [That means] I don’t have to get married until I’m 33! That’s three years… — Oh, wait a minute though. I’ll need a year and a half to plan the wedding, and I’d like to know the guy for a year and a half before we get engaged…” – Rachel, FRIENDS
One thing I’ve come to realize in my 30’s is that deadlines can create desperation.
If we live our lives allowing the cultural and societal expectations to guide us, we can lose sight of the plan God has in store. Society doesn’t dictate your future, God does — and the timeline He operates within is eternal.
Just because your life isn’t lining up the way you think it should, doesn’t mean it isn’t lining up the way God mapped out. If you find yourself struggling with feeling like you must be hitting certain milestones, I hope you’ll take a minute to talk to Him and let Him remind you of what lies ahead.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
When I think about the excitement and eagerness I see in other women as they think about the prospect of motherhood, it’s hard not to think something is wrong with me. I can’t help but wonder why I don’t long for those same life events, but in those moments, God reminds me that He doesn’t want my focus to be on those things right now.
Instead, He wants my focus to be on the things He’s called me to do in my present season. Presently, He has called me to a season of preparation and projects. Presently, He has my attention and energy focused on other things. If I was longing for a husband and children, I may be distracted from the very thing He desires to be the center of my attention.
Be encouraged by the words Paul writes in 1 Corinthians, to experience fullness in your season of caring for the things of the Lord and to serve the Lord without distraction.
Women give birth to more than children.
In her article, Giving Birth to More Than Children, Sundi Jo shares a great reminder that children are not the only thing women give birth to. Women are nurturers, lovers and creators. Women imagine, envision and produce. Whether it is a project you are working on, a book you are writing, or a person you are mentoring, you are a playing an integral and God intended role in everything you are doing.
The Lord has called you to this season. Wherever you are, He wants your focus to be on what He has in store.
Embrace the silence of your biological clock and praise the Lord He has lowered the volume so that your focus can be on whatever He has that lies ahead.