7 Things Your Biceps Can’t Do For Me

This weekend a girlfriend of mine asked, “Would you date a man if he had all the emotional qualities you are looking for but wasn’t your physical preference?” Without hesitation, I answered “Absolutely.”

Yes, deep down every girl desires a man whose gene pool will produce beautiful children the rest of the world will “oooh” and “aaah” over, but that isn’t the top priority on our list. 

Looks fade; we will all be wrinkled and old soon, but having a life partner who supports you and cares for your heart is far more important than how good looking he is.

As I answered her question, I wondered how many single men know and understand exactly what a female is longing for when it comes to finding a spouse. 

So, single men, here’s a look into the things women really long for—the things no amount of time in the gym will help you achieve.

This is an article I wrote for Single Matter’s Magazine, to view the entire article, follow this link – 7 Things Your Biceps Can’t Do For Me

Facebook: The New Way To Meet Potential Dates?

 

As I clicked through his profile, Facebook told me where he worked, where he went to school, where he’s from, what movies, books and music he enjoys and which sports teams he supports. Having not even exchanged two words with this man, I learned things you wouldn’t normally learn without asking. If we aren’t careful, Facebook can take away the mystery that makes us want to get to know someone. One of the most fun things about dating is the intrigue of learning about the other person—learning their likes and dislikes, their hobbies, pet peeves and favorite things.

 

Sometimes I wonder if Facebook has become the free, social media version of online dating. As with a dating profile, we selectively choose which best-lit selfie we will share. Skip the intro, Facebook tells us the intimate thoughts of a person through status updates. And veto the guided communication, we skip the makes or breaks and go straight to messaging. With the click of a mouse, we can maneuver through someone’s profile, learning the details of their life, seeing photos of their family and gaining a better understanding of who they are.

 

This is an article I wrote for Single Matters Magazine, to read the entire article, follow this link – Facebook: The New Way To Meet Potential Dates?

4 Things to Ask Yourself Before Flirting

There’s a fine line between being friendly and being flirtatious and unfortunately when you are single, that fine line is the difference between casual conversation and confusion.  
I regretfully admit, I have been the cause of confusion before. I love to banter. I enjoy meeting someone who can appreciate my random and sometimes crazy sense of humor. Someone who can feed into my witty and often misunderstood sarcasm, it’s a unique trait to find. But because it is such a unique exchange, I have to be very careful not to cross the line between fun banter and flirtatious encounter. 
It is really easy to get caught up in treating members of the opposite sex as potential suitors. As a single person, it’s sometimes difficult to fight the urge to see that as a possibility. But 1 Timothy 5:1 -2 instructs us to treat the opposite sex as brother’s and sister’s in Christ, with all purity. It’s important to be cautious with the hearts of others. It is our responsibility as single men and women, to guard our hearts and the hearts of those around us.
As we take the approach of guarding the hearts of others, here are a four questions we can ask ourselves as singles before flirting;

1. Am I in a place where I am available to date?

While chatting about a member of the opposite sex, a girlfriend of mine asked “Is he in a season of dating or singleness?” Before attending my current church, I had never heard this term before. If you are not married, aren’t you always in a season of dating? Well, the answer to that question is no. If you are healing or in recovery, you probably shouldn’t be dating while you are going through that. If you have a dependence on something other than the Lord, you probably need to surrender that addiction before you enter in to a relationship. Only you know how much time you’ll need but know that it’s okay to take that time to grow with God before entering into a new relationship.  

2. Have I learned enough about this person to know I want to know more?

Physical attraction is great and it definitely creates “chemistry” between two people but that isn’t enough. While banter and flirtatious behavior can give you an indicator the other person is also interested, it’s important to learn a little more about them before moving forward. Keep in mind when you flirt with someone, it says “I am interested in you.”


3. Are my actions unique to this person or do I act this way with everyone?

If you are the type of person who is very affectionate or very friendly with everyone, it may be time to evaluate your actions. It may be the very thing that is keeping you single. When you do find someone you are interested in, your reputation will precede your interest and that person may not feel uniquely special if they know this is how you act with everyone. Remember, the opposite sex is observing you and seeing someone flirt with multiple people can turn them away. 

4. What message do I want others to see?

There have been several times I have seen interactions between two people of the opposite sex and thought they were dating or thought they were interested in each other, but that wasn’t the case. As singles, we need to be aware that when we flirt with someone, other people see that. We need to think about what message we are sending to others. By flirting, you are saying you are interested in this person so when other members of the opposite sex see you acting that way, they assume your emotions are consumed by someone else. When people of the same sex see you flirting, they think that person is taken because of the way the two of you are interacting with each other.

It’s a great feeling to know someone is interested in you, it’s causes butterflies and feelings of joy but those butterflies and feelings of joy can quickly turn to confusion if we aren’t careful. As Christian singles, let’s continue to protect each other’s hearts and be diligent in choosing not to mislead one another.

A Beautiful Love Story…

Growing up in a military family, you can spot a soldier from a mile away. They have a certain “swag.” Each branch even has their own “swag,” you can tell Army from Air force, Navy from Marine and if for some crazy reason, they don’t have the military swag, you can pick them out based on their haircut 🙂 So, standing in line to go through security clearance this morning I met a man in the Air force. We started talking and he told me he was in Dallas for training but is currently stationed in California.


Having both arrived insanely early for our flight to Los Angeles we made small talk. We spoke about the military, and how long he’s been in, he told me about his wife and showed me pictures of his beautiful daughters and I mentioned God and he quickly reciprocated with confirmation that he too was a believer. Y’all know I never shy away from a chance to make a new friend and it was absolutely comforting to know he is a believer. As he asked me about Korea I told him why I was going I also told him about how I hesitated to follow through because of selfish reasons. I didn’t tell him what that meant but in his mind he knew and shortly after saying those words to him he told me a beautiful story about how he met his wife. 

The story started with Tim telling me, God always has a plan. He told me he had his life mapped out was completely on track with the way he thought things would work and was about to propose to his girlfriend of two years when she told him she didn’t want to be an air force wife. Devastated and unsure of what to do, he spent some time rebelling from God. He found his way back to trusting the Lord and met his now wife Amy. Tim told me about the first time he met Amy.  While helping a friend move, she was in sweats and had a side pony tail. He saw her again, out with some friends and as she caught his eye, not recognizing her, he asked a friend who she was. He told me about their first interactions with each other on a group outing, Tim made a joke and Amy responded with a feisty comment that again caught his attention. As Tim found the courage to ask Amy out, they scheduled to have their first date on a Wednesday.

The Monday of the week they would go on their first date, Tim got on his knees and cried out to the Lord asking Him to speak. He didn’t want to go through the heartbreak he had recently went through and he just wanted to know what God’s plan was. Tim told me that in His time of crying out to the Lord he heard the Lord tell him, “You will marry her.” Tim explained he was thrown off guard by the tug of the Spirit. Yes, he was seeking answers but how could the Lord be telling him he would marry someone he had only known for a couple weeks and hadn’t even been on a date with. Tim and Amy went on their first date and shortly after their first date he told Amy about what the Lord revealed to him during his time of prayer. As he told Amy this, Amy responded saying “I know.” Confused, Tim sought clarity and Amy said, “God told me the same thing the morning of our date.” They were engaged 3 weeks later and have celebrated 9 years of marriage together. 

As I heard this story my initial reaction was “that’s just crazy.” How can you know you will marry someone after just a couple weeks of knowing them? God reminded me of a couple things through my time talking to Tim. First, God is not a God of confusion ( 1 Corinthians 14:33), He promises that if we seek Him with ALL of our heart, we will find Him (Jeremiah 29:13). Tim was seeking the Lord and asking God to speak and God spoke. He knows our desires and He knows where our heart is and in everything we go through, He always has a plan. Tim knew 3 things about Amy, he was attracted to her, she was witty and could banter back with him, and she loved the Lord. I think our generation definitely makes dating far more complicated than it has to be. This stranger in the airport has no idea what is going on in my life and in my heart but the Lord completely used him to open my eyes. Tim trusted the Lords plan and just went with it. I am so encouraged by their blind faith to trust what the Holy Spirit was telling them, what a fun love story to have!